confused

Icant figure out why I cant post using ,my blogspot account and cant enable cookies - this is crazy !

‎15 years ago this day , a special bird was meant to fly away ...

I remember it like it was 20 minutes ago ... all hell began at approximately 330 pm when the New Jersey Police called askijng if they could speak to my dad .. so I hastly gave them my dad 's office Number .. then at 6 pm Dad walks in my room and turns off the tv while Mariah Carey was singing "Hero " from my new concert video I had gotten for my birthday in 1996 ... I dont remember the exact words , but he basically said " Uncle Richard Killed himself this morning " . Total shock . at the time I didnt even understand the term suicide really and all the mental im balances that lead up to it . then it got even worse as all my family made the trip up to Hagerstown . its interestingly that night I wanted to watch MY Girl .. so Al and I did kinda . I guess it was the first time I had an excuse to watch it in hopes it would give me strength . and of course it did . then the next week was all filled with trying and sad times . I went up to Jersey on Sunday with Marty and Jim .. this was a good but not the best circumstance to get to know my new uncle . but they were so sweet to me . they played Hootie and the Blowifish in their car just for me . ( this was before HAnson , so Hootie was my favorite band at the time . ) and I remember taking simply my tape of Mariahs carey "Any time you Need a Friend " . that really helped calm me .

but it took 8 months before that next fateful trip to Jersey would make it ok . More precisely HAnson as a band would make it ok . I truly Believe Dicky put Taylor in my life because Taylor h as done exactly what he could never do - be his own boss and musician . And Now Taylor and I have the same Kind of connection Richard and I Had the last year of his life - simply Loving and pushing/encouraging each other foward .. its a gift I could never replace from both of them .

and Side Note -- Carry you there is for our Middle Name ! :)

4 days til my birthday !

well nothing much going on my way ! and 46 days til I see Hanson for the 17th time ! :) cant wait !

new song . I would trade anythimg for you

I would trade a little death for a chance at new Life ; I would trade a little a breath just you didnt have to die . I could trade a little doubt just to get some faith - some way , somehow , these chains have to break so I can be fully free . theres nothing couldnt do and nothing I wouldnt be willing to trade . I would trade anything for you

new song I believe in you when ever you need me to

v1 : Every night , your picture is the images that makes me want to face another day .

Through youre smile I find the light to stumble through the dark ; always .

you Never break my heart even when I deserve it at every turn .

Chorus : I believe in you , when ever you need me to . Love has multiple meanings in every place we want to stay . we can help each other get through if we both believe we are strong enough .

SO I'll Believe in you , when ever you need me to . because nothing we face is more important than loving each other .

New song you go any where with me

I would sail a boat across the Sea , If that would make you fall in love with me . I would fly in a plane or Id ride a train across every state in the country if that would get me to where god has meant for me to be ..

Chorus :

Even if I cant have you in the way I used to be able to , Denying me doesnt keep my heart from wanting you .. But in my heart , you go any where with me ..

congrats will and Kate :)